Woman's Work

What is woman’s work? I have had a career outside of the home since my kids were young. I have been asked by other women and men how Jeff and I juggle 2 full time jobs, raising 3 daughters, and continuing to feed our marriage. First I will preface that I really do not know, and definitely have often not been a great example. I am embarrassed to say, there has even been an incident where an Aloe Vera bottle some how left my hand and flew towards Jeff’s head. However, I have learned some practical tricks that may help others attempting to “do it all.” I am sure others will have even better practical advice, so please share or comment! We are in this together!

We need to start with God’s direction, and you may be surprised the verse I chose to include. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:22-28 CSB

This has been a really hard verse for me in the past, sometimes it still is. Submit - I do not like that word. I remember my Dad telling my husband when we were getting married, “if you want Crystal to do something...tell her she can’t.” Submit. Ugh! I just hate it. I have learned, when you are reading the Bible, make sure you truly understand the verse. The New Testament was first written in Greek and there are many words that don’t translate well. Submit does not mean to obey. The Greek word for obey is hubakoe. Submission comes from the Greek word hupotasso which means “to get under and lift up or to put in order. My favorite interpretation of the word submission is the German translation which means to place oneself at a disposition of another or referring to the equal sharing of tasks to support fulfilling one’s part of the assignment. Husbands have the harder role. They are to love their wife as Christ loves the Church and more than their own body. Who is the church? How much does Christ love the church and did the church deserve Christ’s love? We are the church. Christ loves the church so much that he died on the cross for the church. The church has certainly not always deserved this love - but Christ always sees the church as good, pure, and His bride. Basically, a husband and wife should love each other more than they love themselves. They should put each other first.

Practically, what does this mean? Jeff and I will be married 25 years this year, but we are still learning. We have 2 daughters in college and a daughter in high school. Below is how we have tried to live out God’s word in our marriage.

1. Keep God first and read the Bible. Ensure God is driving and not you or your husband.

2. I love my girls so much, but Jeff comes first. Yes, much of our life does center around our girls, but there is nothing that demonstrates how to love others like loving your spouse. This means I prioritize time for just Jeff. We try to “get away” at least 2 times year. The get away may mean that you stay and you plan for someone to watch your kids...they get away. Hahaha

3. We don’t care what others think about how we divide our roles and responsibilities. Jeff and I have gone to church marriage conferences that say...”husbands - help your wife by making the bed or doing the dishes.” “Give your wife a night off by watching the kids, or putting them to bed.” The intent of this guidance is wonderful, but it does not fit our life. Jeff and I BOTH work full time outside the home. Jeff and I BOTH raise our 3 daughters. Jeff and I BOTH eat from dishes. Jeff and I BOTH eat food that needs to be prepared. Jeff and I BOTH are responsible for the bills. For all of these reasons, we evaluate the available time each person has at a given time and are both equally responsible for all of these duties. Frankly, my commute and hours are longer and I often travel overnight, so Jeff takes on more outside of work responsibilities most of the time. We have felt, if you both work full time outside of the home, than you both work full time inside of the home.

4. Money - One of us brings home a larger pay check than the other, however that is irrelevant. The money we both bring home belongs to us equally. We have both made sacrifices so we can have the careers we have. I work with several men and women where their spouse works full time inside the home and they work full time outside the home. Each has made a sacrifice for the other. How the world financially measures our value is not equal to our value. We are both God’s children and both hold equal value.

5. So we are weird...who cares. I have heard people judge our life. I have heard people say I “am not there for my girls” because I “work all the time.” This is a risk for both women and men. Especially those who really love their job like I do. I also have to admit that I have been out of “balance” at times. However, I am sure all Mom’s and Dad have been “out of balance” at times. I am sure Jeff hears comments about cooking, or doing the dishes. Who cares? Are you in God’s perfect will? Are you carrying out His ministry? Love your hecklers, pray for them and keep going.

6. Be intentional about your time. This means sometimes saying no. Think of your time as a budget. I remember when I first got married, I saw a sales pitch on Carico pans. The pans were $1,200 PLUS you got a free cruise to the Bahamas! Jeff and I did not have a penny to our name, we were married and both in college. I bought those pans! I spent our entire tax return on pans, great pans, but c’mon! I needed books, a computer, food, clothes, etc! They were good pans and literally Jeff is still insisting I use them, but you don’t spend your entire budget on pans when that is not the priority need. What is your priority need for time? Think about your top priorities and write them out. For me it is God, family and making a difference in the world through my work. Next you have to set short and long term goals around the areas of priority and then create a plan to execute on your goals. This makes budgeting your time around your priorities much easier.

7. Last, if your budget can accommodate, hire out help. There are so many great resources available. Housekeeping, automatic car washes, Instacart/Shipt Shopping or ordering online and picking up, Amazon, and even family meal prep providers. I thought I could do it all, but I found myself exhausted, frustrated, and bitter. I would hate to get to the end of my life and realize I missed it by rushing through it.

Overall, if 2-7 does not work, always go back to #1.

Put God first, he always has the best plan. Read his word in the Bible. If you are struggling, He always has the victory.

I would love to hear your practical guidance! Share and comment. ;)

Love,

Crystal